What do I do to get a change in judges?

My 15 yr. old is refusing visitation with her dad and I've heard from plenty on here how the mother must be in control and make the child, but how do you put a 15 yr. old in the car and make her? She cries at the thought of going over there. I have put my kids in counseling because of issues that have transpired at ex-husband's house. My children have come home telling me repeated stories of abuse. I went the legal route, filed police reports, etc. The judge looked at me and basically said "anyone can file a police report" because my ex had threatened to punch my 15yr old daughter in the face. The police have been called on several occasions, due to altercations with the two of them. Before people start saying she is an "unruly teenager" she makes straight A's doesn't give me a bit of lip, but has said her father doesn't respect her and he yells all the time. DHS has been called on him and it is under investigation because the school called on him. My younger kids that still go over there every other weekend have said point blank that he lies about a few things (grabbed my son and left a large bruise on his shoulder) and I will be bringing this to court when i go, but they still want a relationship with him they said and that is fine as long as I feel they are safe. The only thing I want him to do is get anger management (he admitted to me he has an anger issue to me) but clic case of he said she said when we go to court probably. My daughter has said she's had it with his lies and he's abusive and he's stated when he picks the kids up "If she doesn't wanna come, i don't want her here. She's not going to ruin our weekend." Am I in contempt if he makes those statements? Doesn't a judge have to listen to my daughter, if I present this evidence in court? How can I get judges changed? I feel like no one that can make a difference is listening. Let me say in closing, I want them to have a relationship with him if they are safe or I want him to get anger management, supervised visits if they aren't. Can I get a change in modification of custody order without a lawyer since we're going to court for a review? Please help!