Its hard to be myself?

You are who you are. Maybe after you finish your homework every night an hour of reading or watching if you don't find a girlfriend. Life is only as hard as you let it be, you can find a girlfriend and your troubles will be halved or less. What I did was completely ignore anything that had to do with my orientation until after school. I know you think you can't, but look at it this way, in a few years you'll be out of there and college is way different. Some girls will be experimenting where you'll already know.